He said.

   I trust you a lot than you ever imagine. All plans and promises - they are locked deep here and slowly transform into hope. All memories that I used to afraid of having them - finally bring out sorrow, because too much memories hurt, so much.
   I am scared for not being able to love. I never thought loving someone would hurt this much. How one same person could make you feel loved and unwanted.
   He said he was lucky to have known me. He said he was proud of having me. He said he was going to take me somewhere near his house. He said he was going to take me on a date with his cousin. He said I am beautiful when I think I am a mess. He said I have a big tummy but he don't mind. He said he didn't want me to be such a crybaby. He said I was a bad surprise planner but yet he stayed. He said I had to learn cooking. He said he loved me 'so much' that he didn't want to see me sad. He said he wanted to fulfill his promises. He said we only need to let it flow. He said all we need is trust. He said we will make it together till the end.
   "He said", I see. I maynot live in memories, I know. Because people come and go, yet I do not have that ability to stop people from leaving.
   I have to face the truth and wake up.

Raindrops.

Today, I know we are staring at the same sky
But not the same dark sky
It is raining heavily here
Where raindrops are falling so hard to the ground
And the cold flow within my bones
I can't help but to keep staring
Because it is exactly like me

How I fall so hard into you who doesn't even appreciate my existence like the ground
Because I am nothing when the sun finally shine
How I have to watch your heart freezes while mine break even worst than pieces
How I wish you could be that sea whos always ready to catch me when I fall
Who will cherish my existence
Because without me, you are no longer that enermous sea but only an ugly ground
This stupid thought of mine thinks that I complete you

I'd opened up my heart to trust and willing to give chance
I had to act blind and deaf to be with you
I had to deny the bitter truth behind
Because you finally built the trust up
You gave me courage to make decisions on my own and followed my heart
But in the end, my heart was wrong
I should have known it from the beginning

From the very very very beginning 
So everything didn't turn this way
Confusing and complicated
All efforts and happy moments
They turn dark and sad for me now

One Second.

   Cause one second it was perfect, how I could forget the busy town and only feel you.
   Cause one second I feel the time stops for us, all the hustle and bustle, I hear it no more.
   Cause one second you turn myself out of my mind, giving me thousand feelings I couldn't even tell.
   Cause that one second won't ever happen again until the right time comes.

Book.

   I am a girl who once filled up a few papers of your book. A girl who poured sparkles of joy from papers to papers long ago. But that girl didn't exist anymore. Because I see no more me reflected from your blackblack eyes. I see nothing. Not even an atom of my existence.

   But then, I realized that things happen beyond my expectation. My name was written on the next chapter of your book again. I didn't practice silence. But through silence we let ourselves reckon, whether to tear the pages up or to continue filling it.

   The hour wheels keep rotating and never get tired, today 24 hours will be replaced with the other 24s. But together we still filled up each other book until now. It is a long journey and we're still young, but look into my eyes. There's you.

   And even if oneday we were separated by distance, you don't have to fear. We have trust. And just promise me little thing. Promise me that we will keep filling up each other book till the end, can you?

Together.

It may be hard and complicated
It may take time and effort
It may be hurt sometimes
And I understand about how tiring it is

Very tiring.

But can't we just get through them together?

Hold my hand.

Please hold my hand and never let go
Bring me along to where the future will take
Whether it is the time or it isn't the time to say goodbye
Please just don't spell
It will never gonna be a farewell though
I know it very well
Because I'll stay
And you'll also stay, right?

Silence.

In silence I catched your eyes
Staring with no word spoken
Because in silence
I let our eyes speak
To speak about the words
The mouth couldn't tell

Was it a sin to hold onto someone?
Was it a sin now when it wasn't even matter back then?
Could this silence be the answer?

'Cause it was easy for you.

'Cause it was easy for you
To make me fall all over again
No matter how I warn myself how dangerous it might be

'Cause it was easy for you
To give me butterflies
like how you used to
Aw no, I feel the whole animal kingdom now

'Cause it was easy for you
To make it hard to stop the feeling
And move on

'Cause it was easy for you
To erase that tears I've been wasting
When you're gone

'Cause it was easy for you
To brighten my day with just a simple hello

'Cause everything seems easy for you
Or am I weak or something

'Cause everything seems easy for you
'Cause it is still you
Even after all this time

Coffee.

May I be your coffee tonight?

Just one night
When you have nothing inside your mind but me
Just one night
When I am the reason you can't sleep
Just one night
When you stay awake with the thought of me
Just one night to remind you of me

When you love.

Because when you love, you have to be brave to fall
Because when you love, you have to know you'll be hurt
Because when you love, you may find your heart breaks little by little into pieces
Because when you love, you have that teary eyes and runny nose
Because when you love, you may suffer a little bit
But it is only when you love the wrong one

You met someone for a reason, either they are a blessing or a lesson. If he is a lesson, then let him be. But if you and him are really meant to be, then sooner or later you both will have that chance.

Fantasy.

   Have you ever thought of someone and smile like fool? - ever.

   It was so bright back then, back to the time when my life was a house made of candies - colourful and sweet.

   I could daydream and found myself smiling, drowning onto my fantasy but it didn't go right.

   It was so excited playing in the middle of those Tulips field. It was so wonderful to get to view the beauty of those Netherland flowers. It was so fun playing hide-and-seek. It was a day full of laughter, I swore it was.

   But what worse was the fact that you hid and never showed up. You hid and slowly vanishing by time leaving myself searching for reasons foolishly.

   I ended that fantasy of mine - wishing it was really a fantasy. But you sure had left. So, I was never onto my fantasy, it was real. It was a real happiness. And sorrow, as well.

   Then I know that I am not that little kid whose life was a house made of candies anymore. Not anymore.

Fine.

   Once in a while when you shut yourself deep in the dark-all dark. When you see only darkness, you see those memories walk one by one in order. Even the one you wish to forget. The one you want to bury deeply-very deep so you won't be able to dig it.

   You have been good and very well before and you absolutely will be the same as you were. So, don't force yourself to be fine. It's okay not to be fine. It's okay for now...

Thank you.

We don't find our way out
Because it ends
Everything ends
But not a feeling

All the smile I used to have when I see you
All the laugh you used to make
All the love you ever gave me
All the time we ever spent together
All the undescribable feelings I felt near you
I appreciate them all
All of them
With no exception
But it ends

I don't regret the feeling I have
Because I am happy with it
At least we have fun for months
And I am thankful for that
Thank you because you ever make me happy
Thank you because you ever make me feel special
Thank you because you ever make me feel loved
Thank you because you teach me love
Thank you because you give me experiences
Thank you because you bear with me for all this time being
Thank you because you finally tell it right
And thank you because we have quite a nice farewell with no anger and hate

There's actually so much to thank for
But I don't think it is necessary
Well, thank you and goodbye
I wish you a happier life
Because I will live well too

Because it is you.

Even if the sun shines so bright
Even if the rainbow shows up
It is still going to be rain down here
Because when I see you
I miss you
And when I ignore you
I miss you more

I just couldn't bear the thought about us
How we used to be
And the places we ever go

It may mean nothing for you
But every moments I spent with you are special
The simplest one or the sweetest one
Even when we only sit next to each other
Talking nothing becomes special
Because it is you
You make everything feels special

You are not perfect
And I know it so well
I don't ask you to be perfect either
Because it is you
You don't need to be perfect to be loved
You just have to be you
No matter how annoying you can be
No matter how often you get mad
No matter how protective you can turn
No matter how you get jealous over somethings
You will still be you anyway

But now I don't feel like it is you
You turn into an absolutely different person
I don't know you
It's not like you
I couldn't different this
Whether I still haven't believe it is you or
It is just a feeling
You feel different now
So cold
Not like you
But I just couldn't hate you
Because it is you

Fool.

So I was still hoping
Like counting sands in the desert
I may see only a little bit hope
But this hope gave me strength
Strength to break me apart or
The strength that pick me up

But as long as there's hope
Why can't I hope?
Is it wrong to do so?
Or am I being so depending?

I know I make myself suffer by hoping
But why can't I hope for happiness?
Am I not allowed to have happiness?
How can I easily forget someone who gave me so much to remember? Who gave me happiness?
I don't mind suffering a little
Because now or later
When I finally know the truth
Then I'll stop hoping
Even if it may take time
I'll realize that it is a must anyway

Tbh, I am too scared to face reality
I don't know am I becoming a timid
Or am I becoming a coward now
So both are just the same actually
Both are fool who run away and deny the truth
I don't want to
But I am scared

What can I do when I have no courage to see you on the face now?
What can I do when I have no courage to call your name?
What can I do when I have no courage to text you?
What can I do when I have no courage to walk near you?
I am scared you'll ignore me
I am scared you care no more
I am scared you'll find me annoying
What should I do then?

What should I do...

First time.

Hey,
What about all the times we've been through?
Have you forgotten them all?
How we first talked and joked?
How we first fell for each other?
How we first made it up?
How we first walked side by side?
How we first stared at each other?

So the first time was so beautiful
And unforgettable for me
Even after all this time
It is enough to make me happy
Just to think about it

Your good morning texts
Or your good night texts
Or your I love you and I miss you texts
Are enough too
I don't need things
As long as I know you really love me

You don't have to buy me tons of chocolates
Bring me sparkling diamonds
Send me thousands of flowers
Kidnap me with the most expensive vehicles
Drive me through a river of golds
Or anything
You don't have to

I want you to tell me you love me
Because I need to hear it now
Like the first time